


Help me, hjepe meg

by Donya



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asgardian justice, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-13
Updated: 2013-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-28 09:23:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki escapes the Asgardian justice and seeks Tony's help.</p><p>Fluffeh Frostiron and Stevie Capsicle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Help me, hjepe meg

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my dearest Blackbird_y and DirtyThoughts for their suggestions. Thank you, girls.

 

Midnight. Tony was looking through the window. The same that Loki _broke._ He couldn't forget the suffocating fear, falling down, the ground getting closer and closer. He had nightmares about it, he would see Loki's reflection in the window pane- just like now. Now, though, he was awake.

He turned sharply and froze. Before him stood Loki, or more accurately, a shadow of him. Dressed in rags, shivering, his waxy white face wet with tears and sweat, his hair messy and greasy. His shoulders bent forward, as if he expected a blow. He seemed to have shrunk, he looked ill. Wringing his hands, he glanced at Tony sheepishly. His laboured breathing sounded like sobs. Gone was his smugness and that annoying smirk he always wore. Where was his usual self-conceit? That was unsettling. Even having been smashed by the Hulk, he was still sassy. Was it two or three months since Thor took him back to Asgard? What changed him so much? Tony narrowed his eyes, it was all too suspicious.

'St-Stark, I need your help,' he whispered in a hoarse voice, like he'd been crying or screaming. Tony shuddered involuntarily. He couldn't tell what shocked him more- Loki's appearance or his words. 'Plea-please, help me.'

Tony wanted to attack him, make him pay for what he had done. How he needed that, he dreamt about it. Now, however, he couldn't bring himself to add to Loki's obvious distress. Keeping his distance, he moved from away from the window, just to be on the safe side. Loki moved too and Tony noticed his clothes were torn and dirty. Dark stains. Dark stains on his back. He thought he saw bruises and grazes on his wrists. His neck was was strangely dark, too.

'What has happened to you?'

Loki winced, his lips trembling, he was holding back a sob. 

'Asgardian justice.'

Tony frowned. Thor somehow never specified the term and it was so convenient to get rid of Loki that easily. Tony thought Loki would just end up in a cell but he guessed the punishment was of a completely different variety.

'Why me, then? Why not Thor? I'm sure he'd want to help you.'

Loki's mouth fell open. He was really taken aback. After a moment, he explained calmly.

'Thor did this to me. I'm running away from Thor.'

Oh fuck. Fuck. Damned Thor, looking as though butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. _Asgardian justice_. Something told Tony that Thor knew very well what was going to happen in Asgard. Loki pushed everyone's buttons but he couldn't imagine ruining Loki that much. Feeling guilty, he gave Loki a vague nod, quickly, before he could start regretting. Loki lightened up at once but that somehow only made him look more miserable.

'Are you in pain? Do you want a painkiller?'

'Y-yyes.' 

'Can you sit down?' Tony gestured at the sofa. Loki shook his head no and finally let out a quiet sob. Tony almost threw up as a nasty thought offered an explanation. He walked over to Loki and grabbed his shoulders. Loki twitched at the sudden contact but didn't fight.

'Tell me what happened in Asgard.' Silence. 'What did Thor do to you?'

He guessed Loki never wanted to talk about it, yet now he was broken and perhaps also grateful, so he tried to do what Tony asked him to and it was alarming in itself.

'I- I- he said that- I apologised, I repeated that until it lost its meaning. He wouldn't stop.' His breath hitched and he raised his voice. 'He wouldn't stop.'

' _Oh my God_.'

 

He gave Loki two pills but he couldn't swallow, he gagged and coughed. Tony watched him in horror, it was only worse that Loki did whatever he asked him to. He would try swallowing, although it seemed to be a torture for him. Tony told him to spit the pills out and instead offered him a glass of whiskey. Loki drank obediently in one go. Tony refilled the glass, Loki would sleep soundly after that.

'Are you hungry?'

'Nnno, no.'

'When was the last time you ate?'

Loki only pressed his fists to his eyes and sobbed dramatically. Tony watched him warily, that diva might be just playing his role. He couldn't trust Loki. That would be asking for trouble. Absolutely unwise. Unrecommended. He knew that, yet on the other hand, Loki might have been honest and adding insult to injury would be just cruel. Tony hardly remembered being that conflicted. Benefit of the doubt, though. He took Loki's hand in his.

'Come.'

 

The truth was Loki smelled. An awful sour smell. He would feel much better after a shower. Tony took him to the bathroom, showed him how to turn on the shower, pointed to the soap and gave him a clean towel. Loki stood in the middle of the bathroom, undecided, unsure what to do. Tony would have thought that passiveness would annoy him, yet to his surprise, he felt a wave of patience. 

'Do you need my help?'

Loki nodded and gave him a shy smile. Like a little boy. Tony carefully tried to take off his tunic but the uncontrolled whines from Loki made him realise he needed to peel off the fabric- it adhered to the wounds on Loki's back. Fuck fuck fuck. He left him for a moment to get scissors and breathe deeply, then returned and started a slow process of cutting the tunic and removing it. Loki stayed fairly quiet.

'It's ok, Loki, cry if you want to, I don't mind.'

Loki did so when he torn the last pieces of the stained material, opening his wounds. It looked horrible but Tony knew it was necessary. He patted Loki's shoulder soothingly and repeated the process with the trousers. Loki cried; Tony had to stay silent, loathe to scare Loki more. He could only guess what had happened to Loki, all the signs were there, on his abused body. Every bruise, every red line marking his skin told a story. Some of them were healing, fading away, some were fresh. So it wasn't a one time thing. Loki stood naked before him, shivering. Without much thinking, Tony took off his shirt but left his jeans on and led Loki into the shower cabin. It was like mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Once you think about it, it's gross but when you do it, you focus on saving life. Tony washed him gently, well aware of the stinging pain Loki felt. Strange how naturally it came to comfort him, Tony didn't even think, the words 'hush, there, there, I know, it's ok' just rolled off his tongue, in a soft tone. Carefully, he rubbed Loki's face with soapy hands- Loki opened his eyes, the unsaid sadness wrung Tony's heart. Loki held onto him, slender fingers pressing into the skin, as if Loki was sinking and Tony was his lifeline. 

 

Loki looked funny in Tony's pyjamas, he was too tall and too slim. He loved it, though. The fresh, clean clothes, that made him  beam at Tony with such gratefulness it was almost embarrassing. But everyone wants to feel like a hero from time to time. Do something selfless, help someone who might not even deserve it. Tony changed the sheets and helped Loki get into the bed, covered him with the duvet and was about to leave when Loki grabbed his wrist. He was too ashamed to ask, that Tony knew for sure.

'You want me to stay here?'

Loki nodded, glad the explanation wasn't necessary.

'Ok, just give me a minute.'

Tony went back to the bathroom and changed to pyjamas there. The last thing he wanted was to trigger Loki and remind him of Thor. Fucking Thor. Tony had to rethink so many things now. Loki sighed with relief when he returned, was he really afraid of being left alone? Tony closed the door. Loki's eyes widened, he curled up, hugging his knees. Fine, Tony opened the door. He also left the lights on, just in case.

Loki's skin was still warm from the shower, warm and pink. Tony slid under the duvet but left Loki some space. Just when he thought that Loki fell asleep, he rolled onto his other side and faced Tony. They gazed at each other in silence. Tony still did not trust him. Loki was a skilled liar. There was a chance he was only using Tony to mess with Thor. Or to mess with him. Nevertheless, Loki placed his hand between them, Tony covered it with his own and squeezed slightly.

'Don't be frightened.'

 

* * *

 

Steve was desperately trying to pick up a piece of chicken with chopsticks. After several failed attempts, in desperation, he stuck one chopstick into the chicken and glared at Tony with satisfaction. Tony just laughed, Steve was so adorable struggling with everyday problems. 

'I still don't know why we can't use forks.'

'Chopsticks are fun. Especially when someone doesn't know how to use them. Here, look how I'm holding them. See? It's not that complicated.'

It was a rare opportunity to spend some time with Steve. Loki was unwell, he couldn't sleep at night- Tony told him to stay in bed and get some sleep. Nobody knew about Loki. Fury would lock him again or inform Thor. Tony could not let that happen. Loki was under his protection.

'Ok, fine but how am I supposed to eat rice with those sticks? Like how? It'll take forever!'

'Oh, you, Captain, you. Relax, the pizza is on its way.' Tony didn't mention that he ordered the toppings that Loki loved- he would save him a piece or two. 

'Look! Look! I got the rice!' Steve was so proud of himself, never mind he lost half of the rice before putting it into his mouth. Tony praised him, laughing. Right then Jarvis informed him that his 'guest' is awake and looking for him. Darn! Tony glanced uneasily at Steve but had no time to decide whether or not to tell him the truth because Loki was already in the room. Straight from the bed, sleepy, barefoot- it made him look so innocent and vulnerable. He stepped back, having noticed Steve, anxious and afraid. Tony stood up, reached out to him, keeping the eye contact, _you're safe, you're safe_.

 

* * *

 

Tony tried to treat Loki normally, hoping it would make him recover faster. So he made him sit at the table and eat with them. Steve was almost choking on the questions he had about Loki's presence, Tony didn't want to upset Loki by reminding him of Thor, so he promised to explain everything later. Surprisingly, Steve didn't argue and the three of them were sitting there in awkward silence, till the pizza arrived and Tony excused himself for a moment. 

Steve was most confused. Loki was out of prison, currently taking advantage of Tony, yet he had to admit- Loki didn't look like himself, he seemed different, traumatised maybe. He shifted from time to time, his eyes always on Stark and when Tony left, Loki didn't hide his anxiety, he wanted to follow his host. Well, it was Tony's tower, Tony's rules and for the time being, Steve could roll with that.

'Sooo, we're having pizza,' he said just to break the silence. Loki held a glass of water tightly, taking a sip at a time and nervously biting on his lower lip. His face turned to the door, waiting for Stark. What the hell was happening.

'God, I'm so full already. I need to take this off,' Steve mumbled unbuckling his belt and pulling it out of  the loops. He put the belt on the table and only then did he notice- Loki's teeth clenched on his lip, blood staining his chin. Broken glass, more blood dripping from his fist. Panic written on his face, his eyes glassy. He was sweating, his breathing grew louder and louder. Steve made a move towards him, accidentally pushing the belt off the table. Loki snapped, jerked backwards, fell down- right on the broken glass and then- Steve would never forget that- his mouth hung open, like he wanted to scream at the top of his voice but the only sound he made was the faintest whimper, it was the most frightening sound Steve ever heard. Loki's body tensed visibly, his eyes wide opened, he seemed to be suffocating, as if air couldn't reach his lungs. 

 

* * *

 

Later Tony didn't remember dropping the pizza box or Steve talking to him frantically. He rushed straight to Loki. It's funny how a stressful situation helps people understand what really matters. It's a basic instinct that forces us to save others from the hurt. Also, it wasn't the first time Tony had to deal with Loki's attack.

He knelt before Loki, tried to touch him but Loki batted his hands away, staring at him wildly, as if he didn't recognise him. It didn't take much to grasp Loki's shoulders and trap his feet under Tony's knees. Loki fought back viciously, Tony kept a steady pressure on him, his knuckles turned white and he knew he might bruise Loki. But then Loki let out a low, throaty groan that turned to a sob. He was giving up, coming back to his senses. He cried loudly, now rocking back and forth. Tony moved to hold Loki's face. 

'It's ok now, stop,' he said in a low, firm voice. Loki didn't and Tony clamped his hand over Loki's mouth. Behind him, Steve gasped in shock. 'That's enough Loki, stop, you're ok. Stop it now.'

It always worked. A few muffled sobs later, Loki took a deep breath and was quiet now, exhausted, his head on Tony's shoulder. Tony sighed in satisfaction, once he discovered how to make Loki snap out of his state, he always won their struggle. The first time it happened, Loki was sitting on the bed, his back against the wall, he was relaxed after his sleep, while Tony was getting dressed. He tossed his clothes on the bed, including a black leather belt. Busy buttoning his shirt, he didn't notice the steady knocking at first. Raised his head, looked at Loki- and saw him hitting his head against the wall, not even hard, but regularly, his face was like a mask, unreadable and he kept hitting his head. Tony panicked inside but acted on instinct- he pushed Loki onto the bed, caught his hands and pressed them to his heaving chest, immobilising him. Loki was still convulsing under him, but then his cold expression melted into tears and that was good, that was a step in the right direction.

Now Tony wrapped his arms around Loki, pulling him closer, stroking his hair, feeling guilty. He left them for a minute or two and Steve just had to do something triggering. Tony looked at him over his shoulder- Steve was pale and shocked, failing to understand what was happening before his eyes. Those two, Steve and Loki, were strangely alike. 

'Don't stand like that, Steve, give me some water.'

Steve needed to hear that twice before he managed to move. He handed Tony a glass of water, carefully not to get too close to Loki. Tony gently pushed Loki back, so he could face him. 'Take it and drink.'

'I don't want to, I'm not thirsty,' Loki protested in a small voice. His face was flushed, his cheeks moist with tears, his lips puffy and he was beautiful. Tony tightened his grip on him and made him take the glass. 

'Drink anyway.'

Loki obeyed, fresh tears fell from his reddened eyes . But that was what he needed- water and someone controlling him. 

When he was done, Tony stood up, caught Loki's hand and pulled him to his feet. Only then did he notice he was kneeling on the broken glass the whole time. Loki's feet were bleeding, too. Tony ignored it, Loki was already wiped out, there was no need to stress him further. Still holding his hand, Tony practically dragged Loki to the bedroom. Steve objected, seeing the red footprints Loki left behind and offered to carry Loki to bed, wincing as he heard himself but Tony only hissed, 'He's ok.'

 

* * *

 

Once Loki fell asleep, Tony sneaked out of the bedroom, leaving the door open. He was tired, too but there was Steve waiting for him, demanding answers. As much as he was very reluctant to share his secret with someone as judgemental as Stevie, he couldn't just let him alarm Fury.

Capsicle helped himself to whiskey to calm his nerves, he looked like he was about to faint. Again, it strucked Tony how Steve reminded him of Loki. Two men, equally lost and disorientated, waiting for his help.

'What the hell was that?' Steve shouted when he noticed his presence. Tony took away his glass and finished the drink. 

'I wasn't going to tell anyone but since you already saw Loki, I can explain it to you.' Tony sat down and rubbed his temple. He could feel a headache coming. Steve surely wouldn't make it any easier. 'Some time ago, Loki paid me a visit and asked for help. Turned out that our dear friend Thor isn't that innocent and from what I gathered, according to the Asgardian law, he was allowed to punish Loki. Physically.'

'Loki deserved that, have you forgotten so soon? How many people he killed?'

'I haven't, but Loki was tortured, whipped, cut, he was bruised and bleeding, and although he never confirmed that, I assume- from what I saw- that he was also raped.'

Steve moaned, 'Oh my God' and buried his face in his hands. Tony gave him a moment, it's not easy to admit heroes are flawed as anyone else. 

'It's sick, right. You right.' Steve lifted his head. 'However, Loki is from Asgard, he knows the law, the penalty system of that, umm, realm. He knew what was going to happen, he got what he deserved.' There, good old fashioned victim blaming, something Tony totally expected from Steve. He recalled the image of Loki's battered body, how long it took him to heal. How relived he was when Loki finally stopped crying in the shower, when his gentle touch stopped being painful.

'True, Loki knew what was coming- you remember how scared he was just before Thor took him back to Asgard? How he was looking at Thor? Like _please, please, no_.' Tony did remember it, he knew what happened later, it felt almost like he witnessed Loki's torment. It seemed so easy to let Thor take Loki, have them both disappear, turn a blind eye on Loki's fate. It's not like it was their fault.

Steve shook his head, pushing away an uncomfortable thought. It always hurts to discover shades of grey, put oneself in someone else's shoes, realise there's never just one truth. Admit that villains are not inherently bad.

'Dura lex, sed lex. He broke Asgardian laws, it was justified to punish him accordingly,' Steve insisted, daring Tony to raise his voice.

'Yeah, sorry Cap, but I don't support corporal punishment. Or rape. Or incest. Thor must have been very enthusiastic about it, judging from that wreck that begged for my help. You saw Loki, he's totally different now.  He's quiet, calm, somewhat shy. I tested that many times and he never lashed out on me nor did he disrespect me. No rolling eyes, no annoyed sighs, nothing like that. He's broken. Perhaps he took Thor's affection for granted and now he's too shocked to get his shit together. He doesn't question me, lets me decide about everything. It doesn't sound like him, huh?'

'No. No, it doesn't'

'He's like one of those timid nerds bullied hard for years and when you ask them something, at first they think it's a cruel joke but then they cannot stop talking- someone finally listens to them, sees them and they cannot shut up. Loki once started telling me some story about practicing magic and immediately fell silent- no one in Asgard ever showed any interest in him and he learnt to keep everything to himself. So, he stopped talking, I encouraged him to continue and he talked for hours. Pausing every now and then, ashamed of his excitement, checking if I was bored already. You know how grateful he was?'

Steve only frowned. Tony continued even more emotionally.

'And he's a tea drinker. That's his new obsession. He brews tea ceremoniously and shyly asks me if I want some. I hate tea but I join him and drink what he gives me. He beams at me and barely remembers to drink his, he trembles and often spills. But he's so- I don't know- happy? Grateful, shocked that someone is kind to him.'

'This is wrong. This is so wrong, on so many levels. You know how it sounds? Like he's your puppy, eager to please you. How does he please you?' Steve narrowed his eyes, watching Tony intently.

'Fuck you, what the hell are you suggesting?' Tony snapped, hoping Loki wasn't eavesdropping. 

'I don't even have to suggest anything, right? He sleeps in your bed.'

'I wouldn't take advantage of him. I'm not Thor.' Oh, burn. 'He's starved for attention. For soft touch, he needs that to fall asleep.' 

'So you pet him? I think you just want to feel good about yourself. Little hurt Loki staring at you with those puppy eyes, it raises your self-esteem, right? You're like those idiots that take an injured wild animal into the house, hoping it would not bite their head off. Once your wild Loki gets on his feet, he'll show you his real gratitude. He's up to no good, why are you so blinded?' 

'I feel guilty, all right? He was afraid and I looked the other way, let Thor take him away. It's like, uh, like I participated in his torture, like it's my fault.'

'Bullshit. And if you're so caring about him, what the fuck happened when he was having his attack?'

Tony knew it might look bad from Steve's perspective. Violent and ungentle. But it was good.

'Loki finds two things triggering: closed doors and belts, they make him go crazy. Have you ever had such an attack, Steve? He needs strong, constant pressure to calm down. It might leave some bruises but at least he's not suffocating or harming himself.'

'But why didn't you let him cry? Why did you cover his mouth and then made him walk to the bed? Was that really necessary?'

'You just have no empathy, Steve. Sobbing like that doesn't make him feel better, just drains him of all energy. So I made him stop. He had to walk because I don't want to baby him.  What's so confusing about it?'

 _Everything._  Steve leant back on his chair, as if he wanted to distance himself from Stark. His disapproval was quite obvious. 

'So you intend on keeping Loki in your bed on a tight leash, making him dependent on you, isolating him? Till he's lucid enough not to call it "taking advantage"?' Steve burst out angrily. Tony stared at him blankly, refusing to lose his temper. 'What about the future? When will you let him go?'

'He doesn't need to go. He's mine. He's staying here.'

' _Mine_! Yeah, fine, you keep you baby, be his daddy. Just don't ask for help when he'll try to kill you.'

'I won't. Tell me you won't report that to Fury.'

'Only if you let Bruce check on Loki.'

'Ok.'

 

* * *

 

Tony crawled under the duvet, gently wrapped his arm around Loki's chest and pulled him closer. Loki whimpered sleepily, his body warm and limp, he leant into Tony's embrace. Tony listened to those soft little sounds he was making. That's the thing with taking care of someone- sooner or later one develops a habit of listening to their breathing. He pressed his lips to Loki's hair and whispered barely audible, 'You're mine.'

 


End file.
